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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Psalm 42, for a Wednesday in Lent

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
I have promises from the Most High. Stories of His trustworthiness. His very creation sings of his goodness.
So what's this angst (another favorite word, right up there with albondigas)?
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
I'm troubled and probably being too hard on myself. I'm doing but not being. Who decides what is enough for me? The world tells me I'm not doing enough and I tell myself I need to BE more - but what does GOD say. Is He as frustrated with me as I am with myself?

Do I hear Jesus saying "Martha! Sit down!" Or do I hear him saying ..."Go! Feed my sheep?"

I know from experience that trying to get it right doesn't work. But still I'm drawn to systems and calendars and practices and with those come the voices telling me I'm doing it all wrong. My hope is not in even my best self, the one who is able to balance it all. My hope is in God.

Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Lord, for today, just for today, let me be present to you and to those around me. That is enough.

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